A friend of Henry’s dies suddenly. A week later, he comes back to tell his friend how great Heaven is.

“Henry,” he says, “you won’t believe it, but there is golf in Heaven.”

“That is wonderful!” Henry replies.

“Don’t be so thrilled,” his friend tells him. “You have a tee-off time scheduled for Saturday.”

Senior Caddies

Jim-Bob showed up at his golf club one day to discover that the club had begun a program using seniors as caddies. One day a week, the club replaced all its regular caddies with senior citizens.

“It’s a new program,” the club starter explained. “All the seniors we hired live at the old folks’ home down the road. But they are in terrific physical shape, and we’re just trying to help them earn a little extra money, get some exercise and stay young.”

That sounded like a noble idea to Jim-Bob, so he set off to the first tee with his 75-year-old caddie. When Jim-Bob finished up on No. 18, the starter asked him how it went.

“Well,” Jim-Bob said, “my caddie was nice guy and he tried really hard. But his eyes were bad. He just couldn’t see far enough to help me find all my shots.”

The starter was apologetic. “I’m sorry. Come back next week and I promise I’ll get you a caddie who can see just fine.”

A week later, Jim-Bob returned. He headed to the first tee, and this time his caddie was 80 years old.

Jim-Bob was a little worried, but his concerns disappeared after his first tee shot.

It was booming drive, around 300 yards but a little offline. “Do you have it?” Jim-Bob asked, “I lost it in the sun.” “Don’t worry,” the elderly caddie replied, “I saw exactly where it landed.”

Jim-Bob and his caddie started up the fairway in the direction where the old man said he’d seen the ball. But Jim-Bob started to get a little worried when they began wandering a bit, the caddie seemingly unsure of the exact location.

“What’s the matter?” Jim-Bob asked, “I thought you said you saw where it went.”

“Oh, yes sir, I saw exactly where the ball went,” the caddie replied.

“Then where is it?”

The caddie replied, “I forgot.

O’Keefe regularly plays golf on Sunday mornings with three Orthodox Jews. Every Sunday, they break par while he shoots 90. At the end of the season, he asks for their secret. It’s their religion, they tell him. They go to synagogue, study, pray, celebrate the festivals and Sabbath, then play golf on Sundays and have great rounds.

Desperate to play well, over the winter O’Keefe converts, joins a synagogue, prays, celebrates the festivals and Sabbath, and looks forward to spring.

Come spring, he meets his friends and they tee it up. Again, they break par and he shoots 90. Frustrated, he explains that he converted, prayed, worshipped, and studied, but his golf didn’t get any better.

One Orthodox Jew asks, “Which synagogue did you join?”

“Beth Shalom,” O’Keefe replies.

“Fool,” comes the reply. “That’s the synagogue for tennis.”

Chuck Norris bowled a perfect game… While using a golf ball.